Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
