Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
