Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
