and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
