Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
