Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
how drunk are you?
Several
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
