Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
