and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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