we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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