I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
