sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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