So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
