I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
And then he peed in my hair
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