Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
