just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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