real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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