he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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