dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
