ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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