So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
