he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
