I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is Oprah even human
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
