Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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