p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
