Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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