finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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