oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
