i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
