I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
