Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
