Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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