why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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