he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
