he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
