I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
