I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
