Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I still have a little drunk in my system
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
