I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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