Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
