Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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