Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
