That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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