4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
