So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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