I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
