you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
