Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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