smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
