Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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