why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
