No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This toilet bowl is my home.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
