They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Come on in and take your pants off
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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