I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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