Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
