Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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