he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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