When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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