I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
did i just pee glitter
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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