i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
