i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
