I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
